“Hey, it’s as easy as 1-2-3. First, amass a huge war chest. Second, never stray from general statements. Third, blame everything on Madigan. Almost forgot, go to Good Will and find an old watch.”
Now everyone look at my right hand. Now watch as I make the handkerchief that I stuffed into my hand disappear, just like the State social service agencies.
So to demonstrate what we are doing to Illinois, I would like to ask you all to keep your eyes on the circle and say Turnaound Agenda while I wave my magical transparent wand…
“Squeeze it like this, real hard. That’s what I do whenever the $14 watch quits. ‘Course, I’m the Governator, so everybody pretty much has to wait for me.”
“Now each of these fingers stands for an item in my Turnaround Agenda. Except for my thumb, of course. It’s not a finger. And my pinkie, too, even though it is a finger.”
“Well, of course my magic wand is invisible. That’s why it’s magic. I just wave it around like so, and BAM! All the votes I need for my Turnaround Agenda!”
- Joe Cannon - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 12:30 pm:
looks like Clinton, talks like trump
- Huh? - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 12:31 pm:
See this is my thumbs up for Trump. Notice that it isn’t a big enthusiastic thumbs up, just a little thumps up.
- Triple fat - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 12:32 pm:
All this campaignin I’ve been doin.., I can’t lift my thumb higher than this… I used to be so good at givin thumbs up, too.
- @MisterJayEm - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 12:33 pm:
“Ron Sandack? Never heard of him. Next question…”
– MrJM
- burbanite - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 12:34 pm:
Look I have an owee.
- illinoised - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 12:34 pm:
“Hey, it’s as easy as 1-2-3. First, amass a huge war chest. Second, never stray from general statements. Third, blame everything on Madigan. Almost forgot, go to Good Will and find an old watch.”
- Huh? - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 12:35 pm:
Now everyone look at my right hand. Now watch as I make the handkerchief that I stuffed into my hand disappear, just like the State social service agencies.
- Huh? - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 12:37 pm:
This is how I used to thumb a ride to to the bars when I was in college.
- Rich Miller - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 12:37 pm:
“It’s time to play… Wheel… Of… Rauner… Fortune!”
- Huh? - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 12:39 pm:
See this is how you ring a door bell when you are campaigning, hold your thumb out like this and push the button to ring the bell.
- DuPage - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 12:39 pm:
I keep feeling I’m boxed in and going in circles. It’s Madigan and the wheels he controls!
- Cheap Seats - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 12:40 pm:
Actually, this fire pit is a perfect metaphor for my plan to _____
- AlfondoGonz - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 12:40 pm:
“Aren’t you a little OLD to be running as a Republican for State Representative?”
- Just An Ordinary Lawyer - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 12:40 pm:
“I’d like to solve the puzzle. Turn around Agenda”
- ORT - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 12:40 pm:
My goal is to destroy unions, root and branch.
- Wensicia - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 12:41 pm:
“No need to address me as Governor. Caesar is more my style.”
- Huh? - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 12:43 pm:
Little Brucie Rauner sat in a corner
Eating his Christmas pie
He put in his thump and pulled out a plum
And said “what a good boy am I”
- A Jack - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 12:45 pm:
When I do my fingers like this it will magically light up this fire pit, just like my magical plan to fire up Illinois’ growth.
Well darn, it didn’t work. Some magic just takes time. Just give me another term and I am sure it will work.
- Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 12:50 pm:
“It’s a business decision that I’m here”
- Wensicia - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 12:52 pm:
“Why are there two Bankrupts on this wheel? The second one covers the spot formerly holding Sandack’s name.”
- Leatherneck - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 12:53 pm:
“I give Manny’s Pizza a thumbs-up!”
- Ron Burgundy - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 12:55 pm:
“Do I hear one thousand, one thousand, come on people it’s for a good cause one thousand…”
To self: “I’m gonna get stuck buying this metal tree thing, aren’t I?”
- mokenavince - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 12:55 pm:
Bruce’s family tree.
- Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 12:59 pm:
“Are my numbers still better than Madigan? Good”
- Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 1:00 pm:
“As long as I get to appoint… “
- A guy - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 1:00 pm:
You see, first the Speaker wants you to jump through hoops…and then look what’s waiting for you once you do?
In some districts, the tree is even bigger. Others have thorn bushes.
- LizPhairTax - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 1:01 pm:
So to demonstrate what we are doing to Illinois, I would like to ask you all to keep your eyes on the circle and say Turnaound Agenda while I wave my magical transparent wand…
BEHOLD! A thriving and verdant tree! TA-da!
- Just Chilling - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 1:03 pm:
Spot the Loonie!
- Amalia - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 1:13 pm:
Bruce Rauner decides to switch careers. Opens yoga and spa.
- The End Is Near - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 1:15 pm:
“I thought Scott Baio was great last week in Cleveland, but I’ve always been more of a Henry Winkler guy. Ayyy!”
- train111 - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 1:15 pm:
Dang at first I thought is was Savannah Georgia and I was gong to start a “go fund me” page to get donations to keep him there.
- Rabid - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 1:19 pm:
Yep I’ve got her under my thumb
- Rabid - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 1:22 pm:
I have to sit down it’s starting to dry out
- JS Mill - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 1:28 pm:
“This is how you hold the puppets strings. Wait one second and I’ll show you. McCombie, c’mon over here a minute.”
- Anonymous - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 1:30 pm:
And now……….
#1…
The Larch.
- Streator Curmudgeon - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 1:36 pm:
“Look, Tony, I’ve got your nose!”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 1:38 pm:
“This thing inside the ring? That’s what Chris Kennedy’s toothbrush looks like after only two uses.”
- Arthur Andersen - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 1:39 pm:
“This is my Trump impersonation. See the little hands?”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 1:44 pm:
“Now for a little trick I learned from Senor Wences.”
- 47th Ward - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 1:45 pm:
So when you see this, it means push the green button.
- Streator Curmudgeon - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 1:49 pm:
TM: “No, no, I’m sorry, Governor. I’m not seeing the umbrella.”
BVR: “Really? The Sangamon County Democrats gave it to me. Said it would keep the sun off my head.”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 1:52 pm:
“I see we got tiki torches. We gonna have a luau? ‘Cause this is how you hold your spoon when you’re eatin’ poi.”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 1:56 pm:
“I pushed the light switch on my closet like this, see. And when I found out all my plaid shirts were in the wash, I was really bummed.”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 1:58 pm:
“Squeeze it like this, real hard. That’s what I do whenever the $14 watch quits. ‘Course, I’m the Governator, so everybody pretty much has to wait for me.”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 2:01 pm:
“Hey, I bet Oscar would like that tree thingee. I’ll have to buy it for Miller.”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 2:06 pm:
“Now each of these fingers stands for an item in my Turnaround Agenda. Except for my thumb, of course. It’s not a finger. And my pinkie, too, even though it is a finger.”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 2:08 pm:
TM: “Wow! Governor, I’ve never seen anyone snatch a hornet right out of the air before.”
BVR: (Must not show pain. Must not show pain.)
- Streator Curmudgeon - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 2:10 pm:
“Tony, if you want to get elected, you have to roll up your sleeves and…oh. You’ve already got them rolled up. Never mind.”
- Anonymous - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 2:11 pm:
There’s a church, here’s a steeple, open the doors and…Hey, wait a second. Let’s try again…
- Anon - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 2:15 pm:
“ladies and gentelemen, behold my latest invention. I call it ‘the wheel.”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 2:25 pm:
“Well, of course my magic wand is invisible. That’s why it’s magic. I just wave it around like so, and BAM! All the votes I need for my Turnaround Agenda!”
- Rabid - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 2:26 pm:
Rumpelstiltskin stops by with a bale of hay
- Rabid - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 2:36 pm:
Do you twitter?
- Rabid - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 2:40 pm:
I won this finger from the mayor in a poker game
- Whatever - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 2:41 pm:
“It was, like, 2 degrees outside and I got Sandack to stick his tongue on this thing right here . . . “
- Rabid - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 2:45 pm:
So then I squeezed blood from a turnip
- A guy - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 2:55 pm:
Found this in the attic of the mansion. Put it on the curb for Edgar to pick up.
- Huh? - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 4:33 pm:
1,2,3,4 get ready for a thumb war …
I win all my thumb wars, cuz I hold my thumb like this …
- 47 Chief - Wednesday, Jul 27, 16 @ 9:30 pm:
“And then I said…heh, heh…I said, ‘Hey Speaker Madigan! See my thumb? Gee, you’re dumb!’ I don’t think he got it, though, ’cause he didn’t laugh.”