He always told me to tie it just like you tie your shoes. You wrap it around like this, put this end here and loop it through, and presto, there’s your bow tie. I’ll never forget that.
We’ll call you the Lt. Governor, but I took all of your staff, appropriations and even the Ford Taurus. I’m sorry you’ll need to stay at SIU law school.
Mr. Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun, please shine down on me!
- Name/Nickname/Anon - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 11:30 am:
Sheila, I know you prefer to fish in Rend Lake, but one time I caught a record crappie out of the Chicago River, or maybe it was an Asian Carp, and it was at least this long.
“All I have to do is pose like…this…in front of a camera with Sheila Simon looking on, and it provides a pleasant distraction for the entire State–Rich Miller included! Good stuff, huh?”
All I get from Sheila is protection from Republicans looking to rip me off. That’s what it’s all about. That’s what the FBI can never understand - that what Sheila and the Democratic State Central Committee offer is protection for the kinds of politicians who can’t get the women vote. Sheila is like the police department for my campaign.
So this time I really mean it. Only I know who’s the one. And I’m taking a different approach. I’m holding a press conference, and I’m gonna be really excited. Live, on Friday. The media will be drawn to it, like this, see? And then, when they’re all assembled wondering who it could possibly be, I’ll announce my secret pick. Doom. I mean, Boom. Just like that.
Quinn: Sheila is the perfect Lt. Gov. candidate! We agree on everything! We’re even gonna go get a horseshoe to celebrate!
Simon: Um, Pat… I don’t want a horsehoe.
Quinn: Aw cripes! Get out!
“Sheila,we are playing Freeze Tag! Hurry, un-freeze me! Geez, the press is coming, they’re coming… Hurry Sheila…Who is not tagged yet… The Troopers … Guys, someone tag me, Sheila doesn’t know our game yet. Sheila, you remember LG Garrett? There wasn’t a LG Garrett? Yeah, because she wouldn’t play Freeze Tag, get it???
Quinn: And so, the woman-on-woman mud wrestling contest to decide the LT. Governorship was conducted last night behind closed doors. My friend, Sheila here, prevailed over Ms. Garrett in a close match.
“I wonder. Did he pick me because I’m Paul Simon’s kid or for my many, many accomplishments. Yeah, it was the accomplishments. Gotta be. Not sure about that ’servile’ quote, though. What the heck goes through his mind before he speaks? Am I really servile? Is that why he picked me? Maybe I should call Susan to see why she got passed over. Not servile enough maybe? Mmm, this chair is comfy. I need to see what kind it is. I could use this in my home office. It’d help me pay attention better when I’m grading papers. I tend to float off sometimes into my own thoughts. Like how I always used to dream about owning a pony, but Dad didn’t want me to. I miss Dad. I wonder what he’d say now? Probably, ‘Sheila, Pat’s a good man but he’s not much of a thinker, so be careful.’ Uh-oh, maybe I could create a diversion and dart outta here. Is it too late? Can I just leave?”
And now, a few remarks from my new running mate, Sheila Simon!
“My queendom for a pony!”
- inpatient in il - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 12:35 pm:
Sheila Simon looks on as Gov. Quinn tells of his lunchtime visit to Subway, and how they refused to budge on their demand for a whole $5 for a footlong sub.
“I thought they said he was going to bring the charisma…”
– MrJM
- Third Generation Chicago Native - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 12:46 pm:
“I will be one step away from being Governor, hmm…maybe he’s more involved with Blagojevich… and the trial won’t be pushed back….hmm, maybe something will come up, hmm..Gov Simon…”
Sheila is going to be hot on reviving the economy of S. Illinois. First, a World Shooting Sports Complex to bring in shooters from around the globe. Second, promoting the scenic tour of golf courses. Third, hitting the wine tasting circuit. And if none of that works, but surely it will, then bong hits of Shawnee Hills Gold at SIUs annual Halloween Festival in Cdale. We get the gun votes. The duffers votes. The boozers votes. And the, uh, oh, forget about it votes. I think we got this thing covered. Did I forget anyone?
- Still laughing... - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 1:00 pm:
Hello darkness, my old friend
I’ve come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
With the sound of Quinn-Simon.
Governor Quinn explains that while Art Turner and Raja may well be good choices, they are not women who will agree with him on everything. Simon looks on in disapproval.
- Living in Oklahoma - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 2:06 pm:
“I wonder if anyone has kept the heat on in the Lt. Governors office the last year, if not there might be a mold issue in the walls. I was in there when Pat was the Lt. Gov, and the rugs he had in there didnt even match, gotta get that changed. Hope meatloaf day in the capitol cafeteria is still thursday, cause thats the day I dont count my weight watcher points. Wonder if Pat is going to get arrested after this Blago trial…..hmmmmmm……gotta get someone to check on that mold in the lt govs office.”
Question for Rich. Have the Democrats even looked at the event that caused her to lose the Mayor’s race. She answered the pro-life question differently to pro-life and pro-choice organizations. It caused quite the stir and made her seem duplicitous.
I mean it, really, she was this close to winning mayor of Carbondale. That’s why I’ve been plotting this in myseries of moves to take over the…..ya, well, I don’t like the name Art.
BIll Brady will win on personality [Reagan]and the soporific nonsense of windsock Quinn. Quinn is not Dunne, he’s done. As is IL.—-Bless us and save us.
- Kevin - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 11:08 am:
So,you mean to tell me that I should consider who the voters wanted, over my own interests?
- Lake Watcher - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 11:13 am:
“I’m a pepper, you’re a pepper, wouldn’t you like to be a pepper too?”
- been there - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 11:14 am:
“My hero?!?”
- 47th Ward - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 11:18 am:
He always told me to tie it just like you tie your shoes. You wrap it around like this, put this end here and loop it through, and presto, there’s your bow tie. I’ll never forget that.
- dupage dan - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 11:21 am:
And by his side, basking in the glow of utter servitude…
- zatoichi - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 11:22 am:
Do I really want to do this?
- Robert - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 11:22 am:
Governor Quinn urges committee members to respect his 3rd choice for lieutenant governor.
- Montrose - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 11:22 am:
Shelia Simon looks on with a bit of impatience as Governor Pat Quinn, yet again, sings “Old Man River” to the assembled crowd.
- dupage dan - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 11:24 am:
Oh, my, he really does look like Art Garfunkel.
- South of I-80 - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 11:24 am:
Hummmmmmmmmmm I wonder what Quinnie would look like in a bowtie??
- Quacktastic - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 11:27 am:
We’ll call you the Lt. Governor, but I took all of your staff, appropriations and even the Ford Taurus. I’m sorry you’ll need to stay at SIU law school.
- Bakersfield - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 11:27 am:
Don’t worry, your taxes will only go up by this much
- Sunny - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 11:28 am:
Mr. Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun, please shine down on me!
- Name/Nickname/Anon - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 11:30 am:
Sheila, I know you prefer to fish in Rend Lake, but one time I caught a record crappie out of the Chicago River, or maybe it was an Asian Carp, and it was at least this long.
- Downstate - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 11:30 am:
Maybe this will help us both get nominated for TLC’s “What Not to Wear.”
- Captain Flume - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 11:35 am:
“Really, neither of us deserves to be here.”
- George - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 11:35 am:
Illinois State Treasurer Pat Quinn sits with U.S. Senator Paul Simon.
- Anonymous 10:46 - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 11:39 am:
And Shelia here will be getting a Super 8 discount card too!
- Anonymous - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 11:41 am:
“All I have to do is pose like…this…in front of a camera with Sheila Simon looking on, and it provides a pleasant distraction for the entire State–Rich Miller included! Good stuff, huh?”
- 4 Percent - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 11:42 am:
We’re the brains, they’re the Beauty.
- nick - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 11:45 am:
No it’s not Abbot and Costello,or Dean and Jerry,or even Stan and Laurel.It’s “ALL IN THE ILLINOIS FAMILY”!
- Anonymous - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 11:49 am:
(Just checking to make sure I didn’t get a “time out” for that last one. lol)
- Corey - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 11:52 am:
All I get from Sheila is protection from Republicans looking to rip me off. That’s what it’s all about. That’s what the FBI can never understand - that what Sheila and the Democratic State Central Committee offer is protection for the kinds of politicians who can’t get the women vote. Sheila is like the police department for my campaign.
- OneMan - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 11:58 am:
Governor Quinn prepares to clap to wake up the reporters after making them watch Shelia’s coffee pals video on youtube.
or
Governor Quinn stumbles as he tries to remember what other offspring of former Lt. Governors he considered for the job.
- KeepSmiling - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 11:58 am:
So this time I really mean it. Only I know who’s the one. And I’m taking a different approach. I’m holding a press conference, and I’m gonna be really excited. Live, on Friday. The media will be drawn to it, like this, see? And then, when they’re all assembled wondering who it could possibly be, I’ll announce my secret pick. Doom. I mean, Boom. Just like that.
- Justice - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 11:58 am:
I’m going to slowly count to ten and hopefully by then I’ll remember her name.
- Ron Burgundy - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 11:59 am:
Quinn: Sheila is the perfect Lt. Gov. candidate! We agree on everything! We’re even gonna go get a horseshoe to celebrate!
Simon: Um, Pat… I don’t want a horsehoe.
Quinn: Aw cripes! Get out!
(to reporters) I’ll have to get back to you.
- Oswego Willy - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 12:07 pm:
“Sheila,we are playing Freeze Tag! Hurry, un-freeze me! Geez, the press is coming, they’re coming… Hurry Sheila…Who is not tagged yet… The Troopers … Guys, someone tag me, Sheila doesn’t know our game yet. Sheila, you remember LG Garrett? There wasn’t a LG Garrett? Yeah, because she wouldn’t play Freeze Tag, get it???
- Responsa - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 12:17 pm:
Quinn: And so, the woman-on-woman mud wrestling contest to decide the LT. Governorship was conducted last night behind closed doors. My friend, Sheila here, prevailed over Ms. Garrett in a close match.
- You Go Boy - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 12:23 pm:
Hmmm I’ll give him two years and that receding hairline will be in total recess…
- What the heck - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 12:25 pm:
God this guy has no idea what he is talking about!!!!
- Rich Miller - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 12:25 pm:
“I wonder. Did he pick me because I’m Paul Simon’s kid or for my many, many accomplishments. Yeah, it was the accomplishments. Gotta be. Not sure about that ’servile’ quote, though. What the heck goes through his mind before he speaks? Am I really servile? Is that why he picked me? Maybe I should call Susan to see why she got passed over. Not servile enough maybe? Mmm, this chair is comfy. I need to see what kind it is. I could use this in my home office. It’d help me pay attention better when I’m grading papers. I tend to float off sometimes into my own thoughts. Like how I always used to dream about owning a pony, but Dad didn’t want me to. I miss Dad. I wonder what he’d say now? Probably, ‘Sheila, Pat’s a good man but he’s not much of a thinker, so be careful.’ Uh-oh, maybe I could create a diversion and dart outta here. Is it too late? Can I just leave?”
And now, a few remarks from my new running mate, Sheila Simon!
“My queendom for a pony!”
- inpatient in il - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 12:35 pm:
Sheila Simon looks on as Gov. Quinn tells of his lunchtime visit to Subway, and how they refused to budge on their demand for a whole $5 for a footlong sub.
- Mr. Ethics - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 12:37 pm:
Simon and Garfunkle
- MrJM - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 12:42 pm:
“I thought they said he was going to bring the charisma…”
– MrJM
- Third Generation Chicago Native - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 12:46 pm:
“I will be one step away from being Governor, hmm…maybe he’s more involved with Blagojevich… and the trial won’t be pushed back….hmm, maybe something will come up, hmm..Gov Simon…”
- vole - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 12:53 pm:
Sheila is going to be hot on reviving the economy of S. Illinois. First, a World Shooting Sports Complex to bring in shooters from around the globe. Second, promoting the scenic tour of golf courses. Third, hitting the wine tasting circuit. And if none of that works, but surely it will, then bong hits of Shawnee Hills Gold at SIUs annual Halloween Festival in Cdale. We get the gun votes. The duffers votes. The boozers votes. And the, uh, oh, forget about it votes. I think we got this thing covered. Did I forget anyone?
- Still laughing... - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 1:00 pm:
Mr. Ethics @12:37 wins!
- Ghost - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 1:04 pm:
LOL @ Rich
- dupage dan - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 1:07 pm:
Mr Ethics,
I missed it - I got the Garfunkel part but I missed the Simon part - you win!
- vole - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 1:21 pm:
duPage D: If I’d photoshop a seedy looking plaid English drivers cap on her head would that help?
- 47th Ward - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 1:27 pm:
Hello darkness, my old friend
I’ve come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
With the sound of Quinn-Simon.
- VanillaMan - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 1:28 pm:
Simon and Carbuncle
- Dooley Dudright - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 1:41 pm:
Simple/Simon
- dupage dan - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 1:42 pm:
Vole - I can picture it, it is not pretty but I can picture it. This has made my day - more funny than anything.
VM - Oh, man, that’s hard, real hard. Hysterical!
- jaded voter - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 1:48 pm:
“We are looking for a bow tie about this big.”
- WRMNPolitics - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 1:50 pm:
Quinn: Hey Dorothy, when we get to Springfield do you think I can get a brain?
- Robert - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 2:00 pm:
Governor Quinn explains that while Art Turner and Raja may well be good choices, they are not women who will agree with him on everything. Simon looks on in disapproval.
- Living in Oklahoma - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 2:06 pm:
“I wonder if anyone has kept the heat on in the Lt. Governors office the last year, if not there might be a mold issue in the walls. I was in there when Pat was the Lt. Gov, and the rugs he had in there didnt even match, gotta get that changed. Hope meatloaf day in the capitol cafeteria is still thursday, cause thats the day I dont count my weight watcher points. Wonder if Pat is going to get arrested after this Blago trial…..hmmmmmm……gotta get someone to check on that mold in the lt govs office.”
- 4 Percent - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 2:18 pm:
Question for Rich. Have the Democrats even looked at the event that caused her to lose the Mayor’s race. She answered the pro-life question differently to pro-life and pro-choice organizations. It caused quite the stir and made her seem duplicitous.
- Doug - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 2:26 pm:
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
- Captain Flume - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 2:26 pm:
PQ: I am a rock.
SS; I am an island.
- JoJo - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 2:32 pm:
Dull and Duller
- Louis G. Atsaves - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 2:40 pm:
Did he just call me Tammy Garrett?
- Louis G. Atsaves - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 2:40 pm:
Did he just call me Susan Duckworth?
- Way Way Down Here - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 2:56 pm:
Suddenly, from the Governor’s direction, Sheila began to hear a squeaky voice repeating, “Oil Can, Oil Can”.
- Just Wondering - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 2:57 pm:
“Can we make this presser short? ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ is about to come on.”
- yougottabekidding - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 3:03 pm:
My hero?
- yougottabekidding - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 3:03 pm:
I will save you!
- help - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 3:45 pm:
“and I thought I was a goo goo.”
- Thomas Westgard - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 4:01 pm:
Someone’s laughing, Lord, kumbaya
Someone’s laughing, Lord, kumbaya
Someone’s laughing, Lord, kumbaya
Oh Lord, kumbaya
- dupage dan - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 4:16 pm:
Am I the yellow dog candidate? Daddy would be proud.
- Cousin Ralph - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 5:13 pm:
Elections are about contrasts, and the Republican tickets offers good looks and vitality.
- caveinrocker - Friday, Mar 26, 10 @ 7:13 pm:
I mean it, really, she was this close to winning mayor of Carbondale. That’s why I’ve been plotting this in myseries of moves to take over the…..ya, well, I don’t like the name Art.
- jaded voter - Saturday, Mar 27, 10 @ 3:39 am:
BIll Brady will win on personality [Reagan]and the soporific nonsense of windsock Quinn. Quinn is not Dunne, he’s done. As is IL.—-Bless us and save us.
- InParis - Saturday, Mar 27, 10 @ 9:24 am:
…..and the fish was about this big