“… And then I said…get this…’you don’t want a $&@%# problem’… I mean, they are such mushrooms… I got them for a mere $20 million…I make that in 4 months… Oh, my side hurts from laughing at them…”
“I know…. I clouted my own daughter… Yeah, she got denied… I know, union teachers taught her… I would just laugh dropping her off, being taught by those teachers… It was such fun…”
“You guys saw that… No, that’s not a blooper reel… Slip and Sue just says stuff like that… We sometimes let her just talk and talk… I laughed so hard when I saw it, I cried…’Magic’… Oh stop…”
“You think I’m laughing now, wait until I see the look on Willy’s face whe he realizes my budget calls for a tax on each commenter, per comment, who posts on Miller’s website”
Yep you heard right……I accused my opponent of cutting education when he actually hadn’t, then within 2 months of being elected *I* cut education. They never saw it coming.
“Yeah… Ron Sandack… That’s him… I can call him, right now, and he’ll gargle ‘Row, Row, Row Your Boat’ for you… if I say so… I know, pathetic, right… But it’s fun to have him do it when I’m bored…”
Okay, So I give this speech to some press types see. Then I ask them to help promote this turnaround thing. Next I take off without even talking to them. Man what a Howler. I think I’ll be cracking up over that one for a few weeks.
“And those stupid rednecks who voted for me are like, ‘Yea! Ratchet down my salary and benefits! Take away my pension! Just don’t increase my taxes, and stick it to them union thugs!’ Ya can’t make this stuff up!”
“I know it seems funny to me too! Driving to Springfield in my VW van to take up residence in my tenth mansion! Why don’t you guys come over to the house tonight and I’ll throw some brats on the Barbie and teach you how to pronounce words ending in g the way we do it at Harvard?”
“That really is funny!! I never thought about it before this but I would be a great lead man in a sequel to the movie Wall Street, replacing Michael Douglas as Gordon Gecko!” “Just think, my name in lights! Bruce Rauner starring in Wall Street comes to Illinois.”
“You say the publicity photo of me grilling two pork chops too close to the house? Oh, that was gold, I tell ya. That was about as real as Aaron Schock’s concern for his constituents.”
- ash - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 8:42 am:
They said negotiate….
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 8:43 am:
“Illinois voters….They’re so easy to fool… They believe anything… I don’t even need to tell the truth… Oh… My side hurts…”
- Tommydanger - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 8:44 am:
Boy, if we could pay our pensioners in Canadian dollars would would save millions.
- Anonymous - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 8:44 am:
Let them eat cake!
- Deep South - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 8:45 am:
“And then I said I would outline the specifics after the election!”
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 8:45 am:
“You see Fritchey in yesterday’s caption contest… “
- Anonymous - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 8:46 am:
I could buy one of your provinces, too. But it’s so cold up there!
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 8:46 am:
“And then… And then…. Whew… And then I just start dropping my ‘g’s at the end of words… I know… Total lemmings…”
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 8:49 am:
“I mean… I literally called Arne Duncan… I told him to put my daughter in Payton Prep… I blamed my daughter… I know… They all believed it… “
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 8:51 am:
“… And then I said…get this…’you don’t want a $&@%# problem’… I mean, they are such mushrooms… I got them for a mere $20 million…I make that in 4 months… Oh, my side hurts from laughing at them…”
- Joe M - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 8:52 am:
Canada has a Autism Intervention Program? You gotta be kidding me! That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard all day.
- W.S. Wolcott - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 8:52 am:
” I know, right. Autism funding is so…. 2014″
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 8:55 am:
“Oh, you met ‘Slip and Sue’ I see…”
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 8:56 am:
“Stop…Stop!… I’m a Republican… No, I am…”
- Get a Job! - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 8:58 am:
Yea, there was an agreement……until I signed the bill.
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 8:58 am:
“I sent him a note, ‘Thanks Gov. Christie for your help, $&@#% You!’… Oh, was it funny… “
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 9:00 am:
“Say it again… It’s so funny… Oh, geez, that’s… that’s funny… Lemme try… ‘People matter’… That never gets old…”
- Wordslinger - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 9:02 am:
“So I said, ‘moral duty, more old doody, what’s the difference…?”
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 9:03 am:
“I. Built. Things. …. Who told you that?… And you fell for that?… Canadiens are so funny…”
- Stones - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 9:06 am:
“I’ll trade you some Asian Carp for a couple of those Tim Hortons franchises…eh”
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 9:06 am:
“I know…. I clouted my own daughter… Yeah, she got denied… I know, union teachers taught her… I would just laugh dropping her off, being taught by those teachers… It was such fun…”
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 9:08 am:
“You want $100 million for Quebec? …I paid $63 million for Illinois… and I get state troopers… and a title… “
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 9:12 am:
“Bears fan?… Oh, no, no… No… Steelers fan…”
- A guy - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 9:12 am:
No one in North America has the whole tax ‘em out of their igloos system down like you guys.
And you’re the only country in the world who provide a spot for “maybe” on referendum questions.
- A guy - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 9:14 am:
I gotta introduce you to a guy named Ottawa Willy.
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 9:15 am:
“You guys saw that… No, that’s not a blooper reel… Slip and Sue just says stuff like that… We sometimes let her just talk and talk… I laughed so hard when I saw it, I cried…’Magic’… Oh stop…”
- vole - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 9:16 am:
Yes, hilariously funny how I boot their special interests with my own big money brand of special interests!
- Get a Job! - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 9:16 am:
I told them, you won’t believe this part, that 75% of them were corrupt, but once I elected Governor they don’t even care anymore.
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 9:16 am:
“Yeah…over $2.2 billion in pension savings… It’s the hardest thing I say.. with a straight face…”
- Anonymoiis - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 9:17 am:
“You think I’m laughing now, wait until I see the look on Willy’s face whe he realizes my budget calls for a tax on each commenter, per comment, who posts on Miller’s website”
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 9:20 am:
“I know … Co-equal branches… When I hear that… it makes me laugh and laugh… They think they matter… Legislators are just the funniest people…”
- Get a Job! - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 9:21 am:
Yep you heard right……I accused my opponent of cutting education when he actually hadn’t, then within 2 months of being elected *I* cut education. They never saw it coming.
- Anon - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 9:22 am:
“Would you mind if I showed you my turnaround agenda slideshow so you could tell me your community supports it? You’re from Canada? Who cares?!”
- OneMan - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 9:22 am:
Lucky for the Ambassador the governor laughed at the punchline of the most famous Canadian dirty joke of all time…
In the distillery making Canadian Mist…
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 9:23 am:
“Laws matter? … How are your judges? …”
- OneMan - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 9:24 am:
The awkwardness was broken when it was pointed out that up north it is called a Canadian horn vs an English horn
- Anon - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 9:27 am:
“Tell me how much your Mounties make. I’m sure it’s way less than our Illinois prison guards.”
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 9:27 am:
“Yeah… Ron Sandack… That’s him… I can call him, right now, and he’ll gargle ‘Row, Row, Row Your Boat’ for you… if I say so… I know, pathetic, right… But it’s fun to have him do it when I’m bored…”
- MrJM - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 9:34 am:
“You guys think Conrad Black was bad? This owner benched one of the Sun-Times’ most tenacious reporters — and forced the paper to endorse me!”
– MrJM
- Bemused - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 9:35 am:
Okay, So I give this speech to some press types see. Then I ask them to help promote this turnaround thing. Next I take off without even talking to them. Man what a Howler. I think I’ll be cracking up over that one for a few weeks.
- chiatty - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 9:38 am:
“No, really, you have to get Joseph A. Bank up in Canada. It’s the place to buy a common man suit disguise. They fall for it every time!”
- Anonymous - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 9:49 am:
“No one believed me when I said I didn’t have a social agenda except for my billionaire cronies.”
- DuPage - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 9:52 am:
Then we signed the whole place to an old guy in a wheelchair!
- Anonymice - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 9:53 am:
And then we told them “the wealth will trickle down”
- IllinoisBoi - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 9:54 am:
“And those stupid rednecks who voted for me are like, ‘Yea! Ratchet down my salary and benefits! Take away my pension! Just don’t increase my taxes, and stick it to them union thugs!’ Ya can’t make this stuff up!”
- Anon - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 9:55 am:
“Canada… Illinois should be more like you… Or do I want to rip your guts out? I’m so confused.”
- Skeptical - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 9:59 am:
“I know it seems funny to me too! Driving to Springfield in my VW van to take up residence in my tenth mansion! Why don’t you guys come over to the house tonight and I’ll throw some brats on the Barbie and teach you how to pronounce words ending in g the way we do it at Harvard?”
- OneMan - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 10:01 am:
In Canada Pat Quinn was known as Maple Man…
- Slippin' Jimmy - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 10:02 am:
Welp, it’s real easy. You just put on a Carhartt jacket,shirt-whatever ya got, slow down your cadence, drop your g’s and I’ll be D*#$, they ate it up!
- Anon - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 10:06 am:
“That’s right… I did it on World Autism Awareness Day!”
- Henry Moon - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 10:10 am:
And, then they introduced ‘Squeezy’, and I knew I was home free!
- NewWestSuburbanGOP'er - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 10:18 am:
Yes, I said it…I am King of Illinois!
- walker - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 10:23 am:
“Foreign policy experience” check
- Skeptical - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 10:33 am:
“That really is funny!! I never thought about it before this but I would be a great lead man in a sequel to the movie Wall Street, replacing Michael Douglas as Gordon Gecko!” “Just think, my name in lights! Bruce Rauner starring in Wall Street comes to Illinois.”
- NewWestSuburbanGOP'er - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 10:37 am:
Ambassador Doer, you really are a funny guy!
- Juice - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 10:49 am:
Je veux déchirer les entrailles économiques hors du Québec
- BlameBruceRauner - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 10:54 am:
Told you the “French horn” was a lot of fun!
- Quizzical - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 11:30 am:
Once the workers can no longer afford to own property, we bring in the big machinery to do what you guys have done up at the tar sands.
- Ron Burgundy - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 12:04 pm:
Like the movie says, whenever I get in a tight spot I just blame Canada. Beauty, eh?
- Jake From Elwood - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 12:38 pm:
Which one of you hosers broke our State?
- Anonymous - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 1:01 pm:
Blackhawks? Are they in the playoffs? No, I root for the Pittsburgh team. What’s their name again?
- Anonymous - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 1:16 pm:
Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!
- Boone's is Back - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 1:18 pm:
“Canadian bacon? They don’t put that in salads!”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 2:16 pm:
“And then, get this, I started wearing this old Carhartt jacket my butler found in the neighbor’s trash!”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 2:18 pm:
“Yeah, I’m gonna bust the whole state down to bankruptcy then unload it to Iowa in a fire sale. My money guy is crunching the numbers now.”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 2:20 pm:
“You say the publicity photo of me grilling two pork chops too close to the house? Oh, that was gold, I tell ya. That was about as real as Aaron Schock’s concern for his constituents.”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 2:23 pm:
“No, the lieutenant governor has to be a U.S. citizen or I WOULD have picked Red Green.”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 2:26 pm:
“I used the same ad agency BP hired after the Gulf oil spill. Shake up Springfield, my #$%*& !”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 2:33 pm:
“We see your geese flying over all the time. How about I trade you a couple million Asian carp for some of them?”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 2:35 pm:
“Then I put on a T-shirt and stuck a toothpick in my mouth and EVERYBODY downstate voted for me!”
- Anonymous - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 5:09 pm:
“Old Jews Telling Jokes”
- Joe Joe Voter - Tuesday, Apr 28, 15 @ 5:46 pm:
That’s what I’m talkin’ aboot!