Question of the day
Tuesday, Oct 6, 2015 - Posted by Rich Miller
* When it rains…
There should be enough pumpkins for Halloween this year, but that might not be the case for the canned pumpkin used in pies come Thanksgiving, according to crop experts in Illinois, the country’s top pumpkin-producing state.
“I would not wait until Nov. 20,” University of Illinois professor Mohammad Babadoost said, referencing the Nov. 26 holiday. “I’d buy it whenever it comes to the store.”
Large canned-pumpkin manufacturer Libby says yields could be off by as much as a third this year in Illinois, where about 90 percent of the pumpkins grown in the U.S. come from within a 90-mile radius of Peoria.
Libby’s corporate and brand affairs director Roz O’Hearn said the company, which has had a central Illinois pumpkin-processing plant since 1929, is confident it will have enough pumpkin for autumn holidays.
But, she said, “once we ship the remainder of the 2015 harvest, we’ll have no more Libby’s pumpkin to sell until harvest 2016.”
* The Question: The next great calamity to befall Illinois?
Snark is heavily encouraged, of course.
- The Captain - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 3:24 pm:
The Cubs seem like a safe bet for a calamity.
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 3:24 pm:
Slip and Sue becomes Governor as Rauner takes a cabinet position
- Angry Republican - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 3:25 pm:
The Feds will eliminate subsidies for ethanol.
- 47th Ward - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 3:26 pm:
A shortage of Ritalin as the budget crisis means the state can no longer afford to pay attention.
- Blue dog dem - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 3:26 pm:
Had Linus gotten the EDGE credits he applied for, a more sincere pumpkin patch couldn’t have been found.
- 360 Degree TurnAround - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 3:27 pm:
I predict the next calamity to be Ken Dunkin appointed to be the next Director of Agriculture!
No, the next calamity will be snowfall. Speaker Madigan and the snow plows he controls won’t be there to clean it up.
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 3:28 pm:
State loses electricty at the Capitol, government moves to “Candle-Ready” Old State Capitol to continue impasse
- Angry Republican - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 3:29 pm:
The Feds ban high fructose corn syrup
- Dudeman - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 3:31 pm:
A monsoon of BS emanating in and around the Capitol will close down the government.
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 3:31 pm:
Kristen McQueary joins the Rauner Press Shop under the guise of adding objectivity
- Century Club - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 3:33 pm:
Cubs World Series win ushers in the End Times?
- Anonymous - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 3:35 pm:
I hate to point out that the last time the Cubs were in the World Series was the last time an Atomic weapon was used in anger. Just sayin . . .
- Almost the Weekend - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 3:36 pm:
Bruce Rauner vows to not ride his motorcycle or plaid shirts until a budget is passed. A symbol of solidarity for the poor and single parents who are victims of the child care and other social service cuts
- Norseman - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 3:37 pm:
Truckers for toy manufacturers boycott Illinois starting in November to protest poor road conditions.
- Nearly Normal - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 3:37 pm:
Illinois suffers a toilet paper shortage during this rise in BS from BR.
- Stooges - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 3:38 pm:
The watermelon crop in Thomson was off this year. Melon capital of Illinois and home of the new federal prison (well not new, but newly federal).
- 47th Ward - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 3:38 pm:
The unexpected surplus of whipped cream combined with Illinois’ failure to pay local health clinics results in a massive STD outbreak right before Christmas.
- Dance band on the Titanic - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 3:39 pm:
Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together… mass hysteria!
- 360 Degree TurnAround - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 3:39 pm:
Governor tries to become more “folksy”, will now grow a mullet until a budget is passed. True calamity ensues.
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 3:39 pm:
The state of Illinois sues… the state of Illinois for not funding itself, “Illinois” loses, has to pay the losing side’s lawyer (Illinois) lawyer fees as part of the settlement rendered.
- Norseman - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 3:40 pm:
Kristen McQueary pens a column entitled, “Sorry Virginia, corrupt union bosses in cahoots with the protected political class led by Mike Madigan killed Santa Claus.”
- Timmeh - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 3:42 pm:
Next great calamity?
People stop liking Facebook statuses about curing cancer, loving your children, or supporting US service members.
- Jeff Trigg - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 3:43 pm:
Sensing an end to more subsidies and free stuff, Reinsdorf moves the White Sox to Montreal. Rahm turns US Cellular into a giant day care center.
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 3:45 pm:
Kristen McQueary holds simulated rescue off the Governor’s Mansion roof. The roof stays intact, both the walls holding up the roof… implode upon itself.
No more mansion.
- pool boy - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 3:45 pm:
Due to pumpkin shortage, state pie is now the cow pie. Served daily at the statehouse.
- Jeff Trigg - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 3:46 pm:
Once the first medical cannabis patient finally gets access to medicine, the flood gates open and the whole state goes up in smoke as 99% of the population suddenly all decide to become potheads.
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 3:47 pm:
“Kristen McQueary Named Director of IEMA”
- Timmeh - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 3:49 pm:
France and Egypt sue southern Illinois over the names of their cities.
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 3:50 pm:
Illini basketball makes it the Final Four but is denied the opportunity to play as the institution they play for has been eliminated earlier that week.
- Downstate - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 3:52 pm:
Doctors discover that eating an apple every day at noon will extend one’s life indefinately!!
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 3:53 pm:
Illinois State Troopers “guesstimating” speeding cars and running down those speeders by bicycle to save gas and battery costs
- Jeff Trigg - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 3:54 pm:
Dubai takes over the title of the World’s Largest Catsup Bottle from Collinsville.
- A guy - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 3:54 pm:
Well, here’s our opening. It’s time to make the Sweet potato the state vegetable.
- Stones - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 3:56 pm:
Steve Bartman accepts the GoFundMe offer to attend the Cubs game after a 10 year hiatus. Cubs choke and lose the game but Bartman is again blamed for another disappointing playoff loss despite it not being his fault.
- Secret Square - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 3:56 pm:
Vladimir Putin masses his troops along the Indiana border.
- A guy - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 3:57 pm:
No pumpkins and there’s a statue missing in Metropolis. Something just ain’t right here.
- Anonymous - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 3:57 pm:
Pumpkin farmers the next wave of mass exodus from Illinois
- A guy - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 3:58 pm:
Kinda wish I could say I’m gonna miss that pumpkin pie.
It’s just I can’t.
- 47th Ward - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 3:59 pm:
As the budget crisis reaches past 100 days, Rich Miller finally and reluctantly suspends the various state subscriptions due to lack of payment.
“We’re flying blind now,” says Senate President John Cullerton. “I don’t even know how I’m supposed to feel about this bill without Cap Fax to tell me,” proclaimed House Majority Leader Barbara Flynn Currie, referring to the Fair Map legislation.
“We’ve lost all contact with the mother ship,” said Rep. Ron Sandack. “All House Republicans should vote their conscience until we can re-establish communications with the second floor. Any House Republican without a conscience should just vote the same way I do,” he said.
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 4:00 pm:
Alleged motor fuel tax receipts being held in escrow currently get withdrawn by two fellas named “Moose” and “Rocco”
- LGHB - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 4:02 pm:
A lack of natural predators has led to an explosion in the population of orange barrels on the interstate. All interstate traffic has been slowed to 55 or 45 in work zones. It now takes 8 hours to get to Chicago from southern Illinois.
- Blue dog dem - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 4:02 pm:
Did I miss something? Superman gone?
- SourKraut - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 4:03 pm:
Canned punkin’ pie filling might be in short supply, but no shortage of turkeys to be found under the rotunda.
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 4:05 pm:
State to auction off border counties to the corresponding connected border state. Illinois now has 47 counties, Springfield becomes the largest city, and this new Illinois has no access to the Mississippi and Ohio rivers and Lake Michigan.
- 360 Degree TurnAround - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 4:08 pm:
The TurnAround Agenda grows again to ten items! Including tax relief for pumpkin farmers, before a budget is passed.
- Wensicia - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 4:12 pm:
“The Great Pumpkin” moves to Wisconsin to avoid slaughter. Linus is heartbroken,
- Ghost - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 4:14 pm:
apple shortage, Madigan found eating cuties for linch instead….
- Arthur Andersen - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 4:15 pm:
State Pensions get stiffed on 2 months’ contributions, agree to take “State Assets” in lieu of cash. JRTC spectacularly imploded, land sold to Rahm for casino. Frerichs “accidentally locked” in Capitol Vault for 5 days, escapes serious injury by nibbling on old bills.
- 47th Ward - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 4:21 pm:
With all available pumpkins headed for slaughter and then the cannery, instead of jack-o-lanterns, this year Illinois will only have jack @$$+$ on display at the Capitol.
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 4:23 pm:
HBO - “Dad’s Home State” - Season 1, Episode 71
Dave Bakke interviews Diana on the success of the HBO show while Bruce ruins her social service group. Bruce visits state universities to mock parents while wearing “Dartmouth Dad” sweatshirt. Lance tweets selfie with the Veto Stamp, “ck” spends day blacking out emails under a FOIA. Comedy, 58 minutes.
- Anyone Remember - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 4:25 pm:
Cubs win World Series and lost productivity due to the celebrations, with and without alcohol, cause a 10% contraction in Illinois’ economic activity.
- lurks - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 4:26 pm:
As unions mobilize, Putin airdrops supplies to prop up Rauner regime.
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 4:27 pm:
Corn, the Vegetable, refuses to grow until Turnaround Agenda is passed. Feed Corn will continue to grow, but at a much slower, deliberate rate.
- Joe M - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 4:27 pm:
No pumpkin. No bread. Eat cake.
- A guy - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 4:43 pm:
=== Blue dog dem - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 4:02 pm:
Did I miss something? Superman gone?====
Yep, witnesses say “in a single bound”.
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 4:43 pm:
Secretary White prepares “Make Your Plate” home kits to be emailed to all .Illinoisans owning motor vehicles.
With the email instructions, car owners gather construction paper, a red and blue marker and a hole punch, and they create license plates, unsensored, for the foreseeable future.
- sal-says - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 4:43 pm:
The next great calamity to befall Illinois?
Raunner Becomes Governor !
Oh, crap; little late.
- Mama - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 4:45 pm:
Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater, Had a wife and couldn’t keep her. He put her in a pumpkin shell, And there he kept her very well.
Peter is Rauner.
Wife is Madigan.
Pumpkin shell is the 2016 Budget.
- A guy - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 4:45 pm:
Need a pumpkin? I gotta guy.
- AC - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 4:45 pm:
Due to the lack of a budget, elections are suspended and Rauner becomes governor for life.
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 4:52 pm:
All traffic signals, and street lights, on all state routes will be turned off to save money…
Tow truck business grows 1,345%
- AC - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 4:52 pm:
State and university employee power is harnessed using bicycle powered electrical generators, which keeps the lights on until everyone is evicted due to non payment of building rent.
- aufjunk - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 4:54 pm:
Rauner issues an executive order removing the State of Illinois from the Union.
- jerry 101 - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 4:55 pm:
The Cubs lose the World Series and the North Side burns.
-or-
The Cubs win the World Series and the North Side burns.
Uh-oh.
- AC - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 4:59 pm:
“Dad’s Home State” becomes top rated television program, as nation becomes obsessed by Illinois fiscal disaster and mismanagement.
- Mama - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 4:59 pm:
“Due to the lack of a budget, elections are suspended and Rauner becomes governor for life.” The new nightmare on Elm Street.
- AC - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 5:06 pm:
Illinois loses Chicago in violent war with Indiana to rip their economic heart out.
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 5:10 pm:
State food, safety, and health inspectors go to “3-day” work week to save money.
Self-reporting violations will be encouraged.
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 5:15 pm:
All state parks close, “visits” are now encouraged via pay per view webcams.
- AC - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 5:23 pm:
Peoria Journal Star’s Chris Kaergard is declared to have the world’s longest Beard at 17′8″ replacing Hans N. Langseth in the Guinness book of World Records.
- Anonymous - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 5:25 pm:
New Madrid earthquake renders all interstate bridges in southern Illinois inoperable.
All nuclear reactors shut down in northern Illinois due to new design flaw.
Zombie apocalypse migrates south from Wisconsin.
Rep. Dunkin has to leave Barbados fact finding trip for emergency meeting of the legislature.
- sal-says - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 5:27 pm:
Punkins don’t turn orange.
Sorta like mine this year. Maybe by Christmas, though.
- Anonymous - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 5:36 pm:
No books. State library out of money. No internet users no payment shut off. No mail to request donations because no one has any money to buy stamp let alone to put in the envelope. Oh no pumpkin for pies. Not true tough Illinois people they grew them in the back yard. Not so the guys who are causing all this
- Langhorne - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 5:36 pm:
Rauner works at a day care center one day a week, to fill in for a laid off employee. He has the time.
- Anon221 - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 5:57 pm:
As the independent mapping program gains momentum, Lincoln County is discovered and throws a wrench into the entire works.
- South Central - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 6:25 pm:
Dunkin is found punkin’ chunkin’ out back of the state capitol.
- jt - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 6:26 pm:
Rauner threatens to cancel Halloween and Thanksgiving if the pumpkin pies are not renamed dunkin pies and Dunkin doesn’t get a piece of the pie.
- Blue dog dem - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 8:07 pm:
-jt…Darn good!
- Huh? - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 8:47 pm:
Cubs win world series. Sox and Cardinal fans go into a deep funk over the end of the billy goat curse.
- AC - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 9:13 pm:
Moody’s introduces a new and never before used credit rating for Illinois to reflect a strong ability to repay that’s being diminished over time by political paralysis. The new credit rating is called bleen in honor of the late George Carlin for the new integer he discovered.
- a modest proposal - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 9:31 pm:
Cook County Bee Farmers have poor yields also.
- lost in the weeds - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 10:33 pm:
Cubs win the World Series.
- lost in the weeds - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 10:39 pm:
Total Solar Sclipse occurs in August 2017. No one can get to Southern Illinois to see maximum totality because Illinois closed in 2016 and has not reopened.
- lost in the weeds - Tuesday, Oct 6, 15 @ 10:39 pm:
Total Solar Eclipse, gheezz….
- Different Strokes - Wednesday, Oct 7, 15 @ 12:00 am:
Substitute the mushy pulp to be found in the skulls of most wishy washy Illinois pols and you can bake as many pies as you want!
- burbanite - Wednesday, Oct 7, 15 @ 7:47 am:
Gov. press release: I didn’t want to deny everyone their pumpkins by holding them hostage, but without passing reforms, like redistricting to improve our business climate, I am forced to hold on to the remaining pumpkins. If you want pumpkins, call Madigan and the legislators he controls and tell them to pass my reforms, all of them even the ones I don’t actually talk about, so you can have your pumpkins.
- Name Withheld - Wednesday, Oct 7, 15 @ 8:20 am:
Due to a lack of budget - we will no longer be able to afford the Gregorian calendar and its two extra months, and will be forced to revert back to the Julian calendar. This, of course, will tick off the Pope - among others - to no end.
- Secret Square - Wednesday, Oct 7, 15 @ 8:30 am:
“we will no longer be able to afford the Gregorian calendar and its two extra months”
Actually, the Gregorian calendar CUT 10 days out of the month of October 1582 when it was originally implemented in Catholic countries such as Spain. By the time England and its then-colonies adopted it in 1752, they had to cut 11 days. So actually it would have been an excellent budget cutting measure
- IBE - Wednesday, Oct 7, 15 @ 8:33 am:
I can’t believe no one is talking about pumpkin spice flavored coffee drinks!
- skeptical - Wednesday, Oct 7, 15 @ 9:07 am:
Gov. sells U of I engineering program to MIT in move to trim salary costs.
- Huh? - Wednesday, Oct 7, 15 @ 9:16 am:
Captain’s log, star date 51257.6 it has been over 500 years since the State of Illinois has had a budget. The clones of the governor and speaker are still fighting over the turn around agenda. The judicial system has been the sole arbiter of what bills are paid.
The small business system specializing in social servicesecurity didn’t last through the first term of the original governor due to his single minded stance that his pro business/anti-union agenda get passed before any consideration of a budget or tax increase.
AFSCME, the ancestor of the current Milky Way Galaxy Federation of Government Employees used the stand off between the governor and speaker to grow into what is becoming the universal union of government workers.