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A-caroling we will go…

Friday, Dec 18, 2015

* VanillaMan in comments yesterday…

I’m Dreaming of a Functional Government - Irving Berlin, humbly enhanced by VanillaMan

Our government is frozen, it’s the worst we’ve seen
The Governor believes Turnaround is not extreme
Thanks to judges, civil servants get pay
Thanks to judges, we survive another day
He says he’s a petulant rascal and soon
We will happily sing his pro-business tune

But it’s December the 24th
And our state is irreversibly off course …

I’m dreaming of a functioning government,
just like the ones we used to know
When a governor listened, infrastructures christened
and we weren’t hostages in this show

I’m dreaming of a functioning government,
Without the bullying and threats
May we all stop this dysfunctioning regrets
Before we all face injunctioning requests

I’m dreaming of a competent governor,
just like those Old Jims long ago
When they worked with the Assembly
and compromised so reasonably
And everyone went along with the flow

I’m dreaming of a compromising Speaker,
just like back home in Chicago
When he kept our state together
while governors perp walked whether
They were a Ryan or Blago

I’m dreaming of a bright future,
for our glorious and prosperous state
May it once again be merry and bright,
and survive all this political hate.

I’m dreaming of state reimbursements,
that makes Moody’s and Fitch glow
May our leaders remove their heads out from below,
Hug one another and eat crow.

VMan has been so on it this year.

* And this one is from a reader via e-mail…

What State is This? (sung to “What Child is This”)

What state is this?
In such mean distress
With Bruce the omnipotent leading?

With bills unpaid
And with nerves all frayed
He won’t stop
Until Madigan’s pleading.


This, this is Bruce our king,
Whom AFSCME loathes and Goldberg sings.
This, this is Illinois,
The state, the kingdom of Rauner.

No budget ’til my agenda’s passed
The short term pain I’m not feeling.
Poor people suffer
And businesses shutter
But it’s Madigan’s fault that you’re

(repeat chorus)

- Posted by Rich Miller        

  1. - cdog - Friday, Dec 18, 15 @ 11:35 am:

    I am looking forward to the Youtube videos!

    Mr. Miller, accompanied by Oscar!

  2. - VanillaMan - Friday, Dec 18, 15 @ 11:37 am:


    Next week I have a few more. I had to release “Miller the Newsman” today because Rich doesn’t normally make himself the focus of a thread. I’ve had that little ditty hanging around for several months after his heart problems began.

    I wish I kept the previous year’s Christmas carols. Remember the one about Blagojevich sharing briefs in jail, set to the tune of “The Christmas Song - Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire”?

    Its the most wonderful time of the year!

  3. - Rich Miller - Friday, Dec 18, 15 @ 11:39 am:

    VMan, the next time I have an intern, I’m gonna have him pull up all your songs. Maybe we can do a book and/or a CD or something.

    Also, OW needs to get his ideas to HBO for real.

  4. - WhoKnew - Friday, Dec 18, 15 @ 11:46 am:

    OW - If HBO won’t bite, I’m sure NetFlix would do your little series justice.

  5. - Oswego Willy - Friday, Dec 18, 15 @ 11:53 am:

    - VanillaMan -’s catalog is inspired genius. This year he’s been “Grammy-Worthy”

    If I can get a treatment to HBO, the skeleton is there, lol. Rich, you do realize you’d have to be a “Larry David” resource in creative.

    That’s for all the feedback on the show. That’s pretty cool.

  6. - Oswego Willy - Friday, Dec 18, 15 @ 11:54 am:


  7. - Streator Curmudgeon - Friday, Dec 18, 15 @ 11:55 am:

    I can just hear ‘Der Bingle’ warbling out that Functional Government carol, with Diana Rauner playing the xylophone icicles.

  8. - Anonymous - Friday, Dec 18, 15 @ 12:05 pm:

    Are the carols works in progress? They seem to be missing a few verses concerning the debt we owe preventing us from buying toys for all the good girls and boys. Or some lumps of coal for all our corrupt and convicted pols.

    All in all, good stuff.

  9. - Wensicia - Friday, Dec 18, 15 @ 12:06 pm:

    I nominate VanillaMan for a new Golden Horseshoe Award.

    Best Capitol Fax Troubadour. He’d win every year, though.

  10. - Dome Gnome - Friday, Dec 18, 15 @ 12:07 pm:

    Jingle bells,
    Impasse smells.
    Rauner laid an egg.

    Can’t pass a bill,
    We’ve got nil.
    And Dunkin ran away.


  11. - James Knell - Friday, Dec 18, 15 @ 12:11 pm:


  12. - train111 - Friday, Dec 18, 15 @ 12:12 pm:

    To “The Little Drummer Boy”

    I can’t compare to the great Vman however

    The leaders of this state act
    Why can’t they get along?
    They want that campaign cash
    The other side then they can trash

    This is not our fault
    It’s those other guys
    If they’d just agree with us
    Then we’d fix it all

  13. - Six Degrees of Separation - Friday, Dec 18, 15 @ 12:16 pm:

    In this season, I usually get tired of hearing “holiday music” after the first week. The enhanced lyrics have made it a little less unbearable, so thanks for that anyway.

    I the king of Illinois are
    Bearing campaign cash I traverse afar
    Buckingham fountain, farm field but no mountains,
    With yonder superstars.

    Stars of wonder, stars of night,
    Stars with trickle down theory bright,
    Goldberg’s insults leading, still proceeding,
    Guide us according to thy perfect Light.

  14. - wordslinger - Friday, Dec 18, 15 @ 12:18 pm:

    VMan has been going yard this year.

  15. - Oswego Willy - Friday, Dec 18, 15 @ 1:14 pm:

    - WhoKnew -

    Good idea with NetFlix, I’ll try them too.

  16. - Anon - Friday, Dec 18, 15 @ 1:31 pm:

    We probably need to give judges a golden horseshoe.

  17. - Ghost - Friday, Dec 18, 15 @ 1:39 pm:

    try amazon as well OW.

    good job VM.

  18. - Stones - Friday, Dec 18, 15 @ 1:45 pm:

    A tip of the cap to the great Paul McCartney & the Beatle classic - Let It Be:

    When I find myself in times of trouble
    Governor Bruce comes to me
    Carrying loads of cash, let it be

    And in my hour of darkness
    Rich Goldberg whispers to me
    Snarky words of wisdom, let it be
    Yeah, let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
    Snarky words of wisdom, let it be

    When the broken hearted employees
    working in Illinois agree
    There will be an answer, let it be

    For though they may be partisan
    There is still a chance that they will agree
    There will be an answer, let it be

    Yeah, let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
    There will be an answer, let it be
    Yeah, let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
    You know there’s gonna be an answer, let it be

    And when the mood is nasty
    There is still a hope that prevails to me
    Hope carries to tomorrow, let it be

    I wake up to the sound of music
    Governor Bruce comes to me
    Carrying loads of cash, let it be

    Let it be, oh no, let it be, let it be, let it be
    There will be an answer, let it be, let it be
    You know there’s gonna be an answer, let it be
    Oh, let it be

  19. - Oswego Willy - Friday, Dec 18, 15 @ 1:45 pm:

    - Ghost -

    Good point.

    I need to get some representation, lol

  20. - illini - Friday, Dec 18, 15 @ 3:49 pm:

    I’m still offering, with the help of my niece, to get a video done. She has already had some original material posted on YouTube. The offers stands.

Sorry, comments for this post are now closed.

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