If and when Illinois gets a budget, I will be donating my beard to a charity for men who are pogonotrophically challenged. It is going to be long enough to provide mustaches for 25 males.
While the beard didn’t make Secretary White nervous, it was when Mr. Kaergard pulled out the envelope he stored in his beard that made Secretary White most nervous…
What Secretary White wanted known about this picture is, contrary to popular folklore, Mr. Kaergard had that beard when he entered the Drivers Services Facility, it was not grown waiting in line for his license renewal…
“I wouldst like to hand thee my buggy registration payment”, says the inappropriately dressed Amish man. (Amish men are supposed to wear plain mostly black clothing for modesty.)
Mr. Kaergard hands Secretary White incorporation papers and announces “Budget Beards and Biscuits” a new LLC that will allow franchisees with long beards and a byline the exclusive rights to sell delicious buttermilk biscuits during any and all governmental proceedings under the newly christened brand name.
Chris Kaergard, who was recently tapped to head the SOS license plate renewal division, immediately became the scapegoat for the failure of Illinois residents to receive their renewal notices.
Said SOS Jesse White: “I mean, look at this guy. We’ve lost all kinds of things because of that beard. Nothing can get through that thing. We’ve called in some outside help to search that beard. We won’t rest until those renewal notices are found.”
For some reason I’m finding it remarkably difficult to avoid highlighting an unintentionally hilarious turn of phrase by Streator Curmudgeon @2:42pm. It is very tempting, but I’m not gonna do it.
- Oswego Willy - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 11:54 am:
“No, Sectetary, I have a bow tie on… wait… gimme a sec… one second… See?”
- Oswego Willy - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 11:58 am:
“Sectetary, I’m wearing more Earth tones now, it highlights the reds and browns in my beard”
- Ahoy! - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 12:01 pm:
Clean shaven man stands in line at the DMV, when finished he posses for a picture with the Secretary of State.
- Oswego Willy - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 12:01 pm:
“Mr. Kaergard, I’ll take the picture, but the bows in your beard have to go first… “
- Huh? - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 12:02 pm:
If and when Illinois gets a budget, I will be donating my beard to a charity for men who are pogonotrophically challenged. It is going to be long enough to provide mustaches for 25 males.
- siriusly - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 12:02 pm:
“Yes, it’s true I stop shaving each time you announce you are not running again. Then I shave it again when you get re-elected.”
- Oswego Willy - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 12:06 pm:
While the beard didn’t make Secretary White nervous, it was when Mr. Kaergard pulled out the envelope he stored in his beard that made Secretary White most nervous…
- Oswego Willy - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 12:09 pm:
What Secretary White wanted known about this picture is, contrary to popular folklore, Mr. Kaergard had that beard when he entered the Drivers Services Facility, it was not grown waiting in line for his license renewal…
- Oswego Willy - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 12:11 pm:
Van Winkle Wakes, Passes Driving Test
- AC - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 12:14 pm:
JW: Shaving your head until there’s a budget is a much better way to go.
- Cubs in '16 - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 12:15 pm:
Ahoy! +1
Hysterical!
- Honeybear - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 12:15 pm:
“I wouldst like to hand thee my buggy registration payment”, says the inappropriately dressed Amish man. (Amish men are supposed to wear plain mostly black clothing for modesty.)
- Stones - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 12:22 pm:
One of these things isn’t like the other.
- Chris Kaergard - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 12:27 pm:
I should’ve shown him the new license I had to get a few months ago, complete with beard
- Huh? - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 12:37 pm:
Why, yes I do have a special napkin that I wear to keep food crumbs out of my beard.
- Huh? - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 12:38 pm:
No, Secretary White, I am not trying out for a part on Duck Dynasty.
- Huh? - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 12:42 pm:
The beard more than makes up for being folllicly challenged on top.
- Oswego Willy - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 12:48 pm:
Mr. Kaergard hands Secretary White incorporation papers and announces “Budget Beards and Biscuits” a new LLC that will allow franchisees with long beards and a byline the exclusive rights to sell delicious buttermilk biscuits during any and all governmental proceedings under the newly christened brand name.
- Keyrock - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 12:50 pm:
You’re telling me the Hawks won last year?
- A guy - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 1:09 pm:
I love the Comcast commercial about Settlers so much that I decided to become one.
- A guy - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 1:10 pm:
JW: I’m pretty sure there’s a property violation on your chin. I’ll send out an inspector.
- 47th Ward - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 1:11 pm:
Life imitating art.
https://webnerhouse.files.wordpress.com/2016/01/bird-beard-peter.png?w=261&h=441
- A guy - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 1:11 pm:
You need to stop waterin’ that Chia pet.
- Demoralized - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 2:03 pm:
Chris Kaergard, who was recently tapped to head the SOS license plate renewal division, immediately became the scapegoat for the failure of Illinois residents to receive their renewal notices.
Said SOS Jesse White: “I mean, look at this guy. We’ve lost all kinds of things because of that beard. Nothing can get through that thing. We’ve called in some outside help to search that beard. We won’t rest until those renewal notices are found.”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 2:28 pm:
One half of the Smith Brothers gives Secretary White advice on how to stop a nagging cough.
- Streator Curmudgeon - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 2:30 pm:
After trying in vain to find his collar, Chris Kaergard says “phooey” to neckties.
- Streator Curmudgeon - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 2:33 pm:
JW: “Say, buddy, you don’t comb that while you’re driving, do you? ‘Cause that would be distracted driving.”
CK: “No, I only comb it on days when the Governor says he’s going to meet with the Speaker.”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 2:36 pm:
JW: “Hey, I thought I saw something move in there!”
CK: “That would be Bruce, my pet chinchilla.”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 2:37 pm:
JW: “How do you eat soup with that thing?”
CK: “Capillary action!”
- Rich Miller - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 2:38 pm:
JW: “How do you eat soup with that thing?”
CK: “It’s quite a strain.”
- illini - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 2:41 pm:
At the rate we are going the beard will be to the waist before we have a budget. Chris, I admire you.
I do have a very close beard myself - could never deal with what you have produced - but be prepared for it to get even longer. Thanks for the photo.
- Streator Curmudgeon - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 2:42 pm:
JW: “You know, when I was a kid, somebody would have whacked that off to make a Davy Crockett cap out of it.”
CK: “If the budget is ever passed, I’m going to store it in my dresser drawer for when I need a toupee.”
- Bogey Golfer - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 2:43 pm:
“Am I in the right line for the Fiddler on the Roof audition?”
- The Man on 6 - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 2:55 pm:
“Secretary White poses with new organ/facial hair donor.”
- Arthur Andersen - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 3:26 pm:
Well, Honeybear got to the Amish angle first, (good job!) so AA is back to Stage 1.
JW: “Ray Long, isn’t it? Boy, that’s quite a beard you’ve grown since you moved to Chicago!”
- 47th Ward - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 4:12 pm:
For some reason I’m finding it remarkably difficult to avoid highlighting an unintentionally hilarious turn of phrase by Streator Curmudgeon @2:42pm. It is very tempting, but I’m not gonna do it.
I’m going to take the high road for once.
- Streator Curmudgeon - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 5:06 pm:
47th:
Appreciate your restraint.
- Streator Curmudgeon - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 5:09 pm:
JW: “Tell the rest of the guys in ZZ Top I’ve always liked your music.”
CK: “Uh, will do, sir.”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 5:12 pm:
JW: “One suggestion for summer: K-9 Advantage.”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 5:13 pm:
JW: “If I had about a thousand of those, they’d make great stuffing for tumbling mats.”
- Oswego Willy - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 5:17 pm:
Zach Galifanakis prepares to talk ferns with Secretary White…
- Oswego Willy - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 5:19 pm:
“So I met the Secretary of State, again, and I got my picture taken, again. I had 13 Doc-tor Peppers… “
- Oswego Willy - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 5:21 pm:
Secretary White takes time to honor the last known decendent of the Foggy Bottom Boys…
- Streator Curmudgeon - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 5:22 pm:
JW: “A word of advice: Don’t vacation in the Ozarks on Sadie Hawkins day.”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 5:25 pm:
CK: “Thanks for the gift certificate to your barber, Mr. Secretary.”
- Rabid - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 10:27 pm:
Nonbudget growth issue
- Rabid - Thursday, Apr 14, 16 @ 10:44 pm:
Face time with the budget
- Rabid - Friday, Apr 15, 16 @ 6:33 am:
Another hair brain budget idea
- Doi Chef - Friday, Apr 15, 16 @ 6:35 am:
“I vowed to grow a beard until I get my renewal notice in the mail.”
- Rabid - Friday, Apr 15, 16 @ 7:51 am:
Goldberg goatee
- John on the spot - Friday, Apr 15, 16 @ 8:26 am:
Mike ‘Hipster’ Fortner and Jesse White pose for a selfie
- French Friday - Friday, Apr 15, 16 @ 3:05 pm:
“I like to do 5 sets of lifts like this a day, keeps the cheeks toned”