Excuse me millenials, I know that we are here to drink and have a good time. I’m glad you aren’t drinking a cola. I was put on earth to solve pensions, and cola’s are so bad, I tried to rid the state of them.
Let me tell you about my plan for Chicago. The first requirement is making the will of the people the law of the land. The second requirement is everybody in, nobody out. The third requirement is I will work night and day. The fourth requirement is that I was put on earth to turn around Chicago. Fifth…oh look, a squirrel!
Well no, you can’t “click” on it, you have to actually use a pen and sign your name. But I’m glad to hear you’ve already liked me, even though I’m not sure what that means.
Hey Kids, I just thought you’d like to meet an Illinois Governor that has signed a budget into law…that’s me. There aren’t many of us that are allowed to roam free in the public.
‘Alright Magic Genie, I hate to use one of my three wishes right out of the box, er, bottle, but I wish that guy was invisible to me. Oh wait, he already is.”
“Hello, it’s me.
I was wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet
To go over 2014. They say that time’s supposed to heal ya, but I ain’t done much healing
Hello, can you hear me?
I’m in Cook County dreaming about what Illinois used to be
When I was governor,
I’ve forgotten how it felt before Rauner swept us all away.
There’s such a difference between us
And 926 days.
Hello from the North Side.
I must have called a thousand times
To tell you I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done
But when I call you never seem to be home
Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I’ve tried
To tell you I’m sorry for losing in 2014.
And it matters. it clearly tears you apart over SB1.”
Wanna get their attention? Try this approach: “You guys wanna sign my mayoral term limits petition? It’s pretty obscure, you’ve probably never heard of it”
These homeless people are getting so pushy. I bought a copy of Streetwise, now he wants me to sign some grimmy piece of paper with a chewed on pen. Yuck.
- JoanP - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 9:35 am:
He: “Maybe if we ignore him, he’ll go away.”
She: “Didn’t we try that already?”
- Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 9:36 am:
“Mind if I sit here?”
- New Slang - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 9:38 am:
Those seated: “um…awkward…”
- Keyrock - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 9:38 am:
Joan P. wins in the first at-bat.
- zatoichi - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 9:38 am:
Can I get you an appetizer or are you ready to order?
- Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 9:39 am:
“I see your glasses are empty. Can I get you both anything?”
- Robo - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 9:39 am:
“You gonna eat that fat?”
- Give Me A Break - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 9:39 am:
PQ: “Does the name Soy Boy” mean anything to you?
- Whatever - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 9:39 am:
“Once I built a tower to the sun, brick and rivet and lime . . .”
- Anonymous - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 9:39 am:
I’ll gladly repay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.
- Jacob Greene - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 9:39 am:
“No1 curr”
- SinkingShip - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 9:39 am:
“How do you do, fellow kids?”
https://i.imgur.com/EW8Bi1r.gifv
- Dirty Red - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 9:40 am:
“Hi. I’m Pat Quinn.”
*sighs* “Hi, Pat Quinn.”
“I used to be the Governor.”
“Yeah, I know.”
- Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 9:40 am:
“We’re out of the veal, but I hear the Salmon is spectacular. (Pause)… well, (Pause)… well, thanks for listening… “
- Oswego Willy - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 9:41 am:
“Bruce Rauner. Amirite?”
(No responses)
- Quizzical - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 9:42 am:
No — I don’t want to halfsies on the cost and share a beer with you.
- Anonymous - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 9:42 am:
“Man, they’re hiring some older servers at this place”
- Dirty Red - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 9:43 am:
“Can I give you one of my business cards?”
“No, I think we’re good, man.”
- A guy - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 9:43 am:
Give us a few minutes to pretend to look at the menu. Then; maybe send another waiter.
- A guy - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 9:45 am:
The Agency hooked me up with this new gig. All the tips are measured in coins here.
- wordslinger - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 9:45 am:
How many taverns named Old Style does that town have?
- Ron Burgundy - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 9:45 am:
“Hello, fellow hipsters! Yes, I really hate that very popular thing too!”
- tsavo - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 9:45 am:
“I like your tattoo, I have one of Squeazzy the Pension Python”
- Reality Check - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 9:46 am:
Man in foreground grasps imaginary smartphone.
Man in background grasps imaginary future.
- Curl of the Burl - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 9:48 am:
“Kelly Cassidy and Ann Williams wouldn’t let me help paint that school.”
- Anon 948 - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 9:48 am:
You know that cutback thing I did a few years ago? Beat it, kid.
- We'll See - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 9:50 am:
Don’t make eye contact….don’t make eye contact…..
- 360 Degree TurnAround - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 9:51 am:
Excuse me millenials, I know that we are here to drink and have a good time. I’m glad you aren’t drinking a cola. I was put on earth to solve pensions, and cola’s are so bad, I tried to rid the state of them.
- Sgt. Slaughter - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 9:52 am:
Hey Pat why don’t you squeezy this joint and quit with the politics talk. You’re harshing our mellow, mannnn.
- City Zen - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 9:53 am:
They call this the Hideout for a reason, bub.
- Not It - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 9:58 am:
Quinn working night and day serving tables.
- Anonymous - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 10:06 am:
Let me tell you about my plan for Chicago. The first requirement is making the will of the people the law of the land. The second requirement is everybody in, nobody out. The third requirement is I will work night and day. The fourth requirement is that I was put on earth to turn around Chicago. Fifth…oh look, a squirrel!
- Sinister - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 10:07 am:
Hipsters to Quinn: “Dude, are you still relevant?…Go away”
- Get it Solved - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 10:07 am:
Were any of you fans of Squeezy The Pension Python?
- 47th Ward - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 10:11 am:
Well no, you can’t “click” on it, you have to actually use a pen and sign your name. But I’m glad to hear you’ve already liked me, even though I’m not sure what that means.
- 47th Ward - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 10:13 am:
A pen, you know, an ink-filled writing instrument. Didn’t you kids go to school?
- We'll See - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 10:14 am:
PQ: “excuse me but have either of you seen a purple and silver tie.”
- Regressive - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 10:15 am:
“You kids should cut back on the alcohol. Get it?”
- 360 Degree TurnAround - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 10:15 am:
Hey Kids, I just thought you’d like to meet an Illinois Governor that has signed a budget into law…that’s me. There aren’t many of us that are allowed to roam free in the public.
- Courser - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 10:23 am:
“Third wheel…party of one, your table is ready.”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 10:25 am:
Former Governor Pat Quinn’s v-neck undershirt stands askew after he was roughed up by one too many citizens.
- Ole' Nelson - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 10:25 am:
#hipstersforQuinn
- Streator Curmudgeon - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 10:27 am:
Man with mustache: “Don’t they have, like, an age limit on these events?”
Girl: “Yeah. I think it’s a hundred.” (snorts)
- Streator Curmudgeon - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 10:30 am:
Girl (under her breath): “I wish there was a term limit on how long ex-governors could pester the public.”
- NIU Grad - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 10:33 am:
PQ: Come on, is the laugh track still needed whenever I walk into a room?
- Streator Curmudgeon - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 10:33 am:
PQ: “C’mon, the joke’s over. Where’d you hide my right shoe?”
- Pyrat 1623 - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 10:34 am:
“FOUND: Ex-Governor wandering in the neighborhood; answers to the name ‘Go Away.’”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 10:35 am:
“Hi, I’m Pat Quinn, president of the Coalition for Geezer Relevance.”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 10:37 am:
“C’mon, guys. Will you let me sit down if I promise not to double-dip again?”
- Steve Rogers - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 10:38 am:
Hey, creepy old dude, we couldn’t vote in 2014 because we weren’t 18 yet, so leave us alone.
- Streator Curmudgeon - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 10:39 am:
“Would it make a difference if I told you I know Rich Miller personally?”
- Tommydanger - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 10:40 am:
” Hi, I’m gathering signatures for my Regaining Relevance petition.”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 10:41 am:
“Could I interest any of you hipsters in a lawn mowing job?”
- Tommydanger - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 10:42 am:
‘Alright Magic Genie, I hate to use one of my three wishes right out of the box, er, bottle, but I wish that guy was invisible to me. Oh wait, he already is.”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 10:42 am:
“Hey, young lady, nice hairdo. I saw something similar once on Rosemary Clooney.”
- lake county democrat - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 10:43 am:
Get in the car - I’m driving.
- Streator Curmudgeon - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 10:44 am:
“Did you know you can also make hummus from soybeans?”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 10:46 am:
“Ya know, if I was still in the Governor’s mansion, I’d….”
- JoanP - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 10:47 am:
“I don’t know who’s more annoying, a former governor or a former federal prosecutor.”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 10:48 am:
Girl: “Where’s the bouncer when you need one?”
Guy: “I think he IS the bouncer.”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 10:53 am:
“Say, hipsters, you should try my new app: ‘How to Lose Friends and Alienate People.”
- Ron Burgundy - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 10:58 am:
“Old Style? You don’t want Old Style! Old Style politics is what got us in the mess we are in…”
*10 minutes of platitudes later*
“Wait, what? It’s a beer?”
- Huh? - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 10:58 am:
Why are you talking to us? You got term limited out of office. So go away and leave us alone.
- Huh? - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 10:59 am:
Do you have any gadfly insect repellent?
- Heyheyehey - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 11:07 am:
Pat Quinn seeks an autograph from Napoleon Dynamite’s older brother
- Whatever - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 11:19 am:
This old “Livestrong” bracelet? No, I’m not Lance Armstrong and I don’t use performance-enhancing drugs. Obviously.
- Commonsense in Illinois - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 11:20 am:
In a new marketing scheme, American Express has announced it is bringing back it’s popular, “Hi, do you remember me?”
- @MisterJayEm - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 11:23 am:
“Excuse me, is this the line for Chapo Trap House tickets?”
– MrJM
- Das Opinionator - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 11:24 am:
“Hello, it’s me.
I was wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet
To go over 2014. They say that time’s supposed to heal ya, but I ain’t done much healing
Hello, can you hear me?
I’m in Cook County dreaming about what Illinois used to be
When I was governor,
I’ve forgotten how it felt before Rauner swept us all away.
There’s such a difference between us
And 926 days.
Hello from the North Side.
I must have called a thousand times
To tell you I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done
But when I call you never seem to be home
Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I’ve tried
To tell you I’m sorry for losing in 2014.
And it matters. it clearly tears you apart over SB1.”
- D'real Firestorm - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 11:26 am:
“Don’t move. He senses fear.”
- Streator Curmudgeon - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 11:29 am:
“Why do I lean like this? A lifetime of tilting at windmills.”
- Hawkeye - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 11:34 am:
PQ: Hey its Kip and that other girl from Napoleon Dynamite!
- Streator Curmudgeon - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 11:38 am:
“Well, if you won’t sign my Rahm petition, how about the one for a Bigfoot sanctuary in McHenry County?”
- Rahm's Parking Meter - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 11:39 am:
Do you kids want to know about what I did in the 1980’s with the Citizen’s Utility Board…
“Dooooooooooooon’t care”
- cracked screen - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 11:59 am:
Wanna get their attention? Try this approach: “You guys wanna sign my mayoral term limits petition? It’s pretty obscure, you’ve probably never heard of it”
- RIJ - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 12:59 pm:
Boy: “Just don’t acknowledge him and eventually creepy Uncle Pat will go away.”
Girl: “You’ve been saying that for two and a half years…”
- Huh? - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 1:49 pm:
These homeless people are getting so pushy. I bought a copy of Streetwise, now he wants me to sign some grimmy piece of paper with a chewed on pen. Yuck.
- Streator Curmudgeon - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 1:54 pm:
“Hey, did you guys try my new craft beer, Quinnocchio Lite?”
- CrazyHorse - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 2:53 pm:
“Seriously, you guys might qualify for a Staff Assistant position at IDOT.”
- Anon - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 6:02 pm:
He’s at The Hideout.
- Anon - Wednesday, Jul 26, 17 @ 8:46 pm:
Would you go to the Sox game with me?